Just another day. Just another vial.
Out of habit, start with the left arm and out of necessity, move to the right.
One more appointment. One more week.
Another month. Another planner littered with blue pen. Dr. M. Dr. D. Dr. P. PT. Dentist. Chiropractor. Dr. M. Dr. S. X-ray. Check-in fifteen minutes prior. Fast.
A treatment. A procedure. The snap of rubber around my elbow. The rip of the band aid after.
Click of an X-ray. Drum roll of an MRI. The tube of the scan. “You’re extremely medically complicated.”
“EXTREMELY medically complicated.”
Said not once, but twice. As if I don’t believe.
As if I haven’t seen.
So many autoimmune disorders.
Uncertainty.
Co-pays could buy a car.
A life with chronic health.
Eighteen’s my record. But I count them. It’s twelve now.
Watch the blood drain. Head into a tube. Then you wait.
Back in the day it came with a call. Now a notice in my inbox.
Wait for it. Pray for it.
I don’t speak the language, don’t understand the codes. Warning signs. Red exclamation points. The words scare me.
Try to breathe. Try to reassure.
Whatever it is, I can do this. I have learned to cope. It’s been four years.
Another test. Another specialty.
How long do I have to do this?
For as long as it takes.
Enjoy the good news. Any news that doesn’t come with a new diagnosis.
As long as I have to do this for my wellness.
I don’t take health for granted.
As long as I can breathe through the bad.
Sometimes I just vent.
As much as I can do to fall within the normal range.
I can keep going.
I will.
More will come, of that I can be sure.
But I can keep it up. Another day. Another vial.
I can’t control the tests or the results. But I drive the perspective.
It’s like waking up to that same song on the radio.
A life with chronic illness.
Groundhog’s Day.
“I got you babe I got you babe I got you babe I got you babe I got you babe” ~ I Got You Babe by Sonny and Cher