Today was just one of those days as a mother. I felt behind, scattered, disorganized, and impatient. I’ll do better tomorrow.
Mother’s guilt disclaimer: I love my children more than anything. I love them so much it makes my heart hurt. I worry about them 23 hours a day. My kids are my whole word.
We began. At 10:30 a.m., I was still in my pajamas. They were covered in baby puke. It was in my hair too. I wanted to shower all morning, but there was no time between holding, rocking, clothing, refereeing, and feeding. As I shoveled some cold eggs into my mouth, I realized it was nearing noon, and I hadn’t yet brushed my teeth. I’ll brush them before I go to bed. For sure by tomorrow.
Ponder. Why didn’t I get up earlier so I could have gotten ready and eaten breakfast? But, I’ve been up since 5:00 a.m., well actually 4:00 a.m. … wait, no, it was 1:30 a.m. I should have showered and eaten after I fed the baby at 1:30 a.m. Maybe tomorrow.
I’m tired. I went to bed sometime last night, I think. Somewhere in there, I may have even gotten an hour of sleep. I haven’t slept much since I had the baby. And before that … yeah, now that I think about it, I haven’t slept well since before I had children. Sleep, who needs it anyway? Me, I do. If a “would you rather” came my way: a year of sleep or a cool million cash, it would be a no brainer. I’ll get rest tomorrow.
Coffee. I came to the realization that warm coffee and children have an inverse correlation. I used to drink hot, fresh coffee. This morning, I warmed it up approximately 10 times, until I finally gave up and dumped it. Yesterday, I forgot it in the microwave and found it when I started making lunch. I used to only drink two cups of coffee a day, and never past 10:00 a.m. I was disciplined. I’m now chugging lukewarm coffee until noon. As of tomorrow, only two cups, and more self-discipline.
The irony. As I was lamenting about being a busy mother, my phone alarm went off to notify me that I had a legal ed webinar on Zoom, in fifteen minutes. My phone was nearly dead, and the big kids were “so hungry,” I felt like they were in a commercial with a Sarah McLachlan song playing in the background. Tomorrow, I’ll be more prepared.
Multitasking. I found a place by a plug-in that was conducive to sitting and stretching. As I listened, I fed the baby, burped the baby, and allowed her tummy time while I did yoga. And thanks to technology, I did it all unseen and on mute, in those same pajamas, with the same puke, and interesting hair. The big kids got fed somewhere in there too. I will groom myself better tomorrow.
Reflection. I’ve been a mother for over seven years now, but I don’t quite feel like I have the hang of it yet. I’m trying to manage big kids and a new baby. I’m trying to keep the household from being condemned. I’m trying to let my husband know that I still care. And I’m trying to do it all, with the aftereffects of AE on my mind. Now that I think of it, maybe today wasn’t so bad. Perhaps the eggs, the diapers, the reminders to “wear your helmet,” and everything in-between, were just fine today. After all, drinking cold coffee may be guaranteed, but tomorrow isn’t.
I did my best today, and that’s all I can do. I will continue to make it through every today. To heck with tomorrow.
Good luck with your todays, everyday.
I don't care to know the hour Cause it's passing anyway I don't have to see tomorrow Cause I saw it yesterday
So I listen for an answer But the feeling seems to stay And what's the use of always dreaming If tomorrow is today ~ Tomorrow is Today, by Billy Joel