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MMMBop


I’ve had a lot of fun nights in my life. Parties I wasn’t supposed to be at when young. My 21st and my parents’ surprise 25th anniversary. Our snowstorm wedding with Red Eye fueled dancing.

 

But one event will shine in my memory for a lifetime. I’ve savored it for a year now.

 

Without a doubt, my surprise 40th birthday party last February was one of the greatest nights of my life.

 

A few weekends after my birthday proper, Sean casually said on Saturday morning, “Let’s go out to dinner tonight. I’ll text some friends and your mom can watch the kids.” It was a bit of strange behavior from him, but I was all in. He texted Mark and Becky, Jeremy and Angie, and of course, my eternal bestie, Lacie, and Todd.

 

As the day progressed, he said everyone was in, except Todd and Lacie. He even set the place - Peacock Alley in downtown Bismarck. Our pre-children hangout and my lawyer-lunch venue.

 

The night before, Mom mentioned her plan to go to church Saturday afternoon. I said we’d go with, but complained I didn’t want to “get ready,” so I’d probably “look ugly.” She didn’t even flinch.

 

By divine intervention, I readied myself. We all made it to church and Mark and Becky and their family were there. The kids played as we all chatted our way out. “Funny to see you here! See you again for dinner!”

 

Mom and the kids went home, and we headed for Peacock. I hadn’t yet texted my other husband, Mike, but needed to, because it was actually his birthday that day. I sent him a quick message as Sean drove us in my car. And I nagged Sean the entire way: he was messing up my seat and mirror, he was driving too herky-jerky, and he parked in a weird spot in the ramp. He didn’t retort.

 

As we walked those few cool and dark blocks, Sean really clipped along. When we entered through the bar, he was nearly racing. It was a bit odd, because he moved as if we were late.

 

We walked towards a sectioned off area of the dining room, and…

 

From here, it’s all one happy blur.

 

And me being a total spaz.

 

I saw Mark and Becky, Jeremy and Angie, and my friend Amanda. I smiled and patted Amanda as we went by. I wonder why Jon’s not here with her? I stopped to chat, but was somehow propelled forward.

 

And then I saw Chris and Christina at a nearby table. They waved and sheepishly smiled. Wild, they’re here too?

Everyone seemed to be looking at me with semi-stoic smiles. Like I was the only one not in on a joke. And Sean was still on a mission.

 

Right in between those tables–Oh wait, there’s Mike. And Aaron, and Jen, and Lena–I kept walking behind Sean, but grabbed Mike’s shoulder and said, “Hey, I just texted you!” And I meant to talk more, but there were these rumbles of, “Jackie, look.” “Keep going!”

I couldn’t understand why everyone told me to keep moving. And why was it not clicking that three tables were full of my friends?

 

I took a few more steps, and when I rounded a large pillar that hid the rest of the section… I stopped, dead in my tracks, with very large eyes.

 

I was in the middle of more tables filled with people smiling at me. It was such a cross section of my life, I couldn’t quite find a pattern. So I just kept staring. And not moving.

 

I was looking at Odin, my old neighbor and Judge Anderson’s brother. And my high school classmate, Laura’s, parents. And another high school classmate, Jill, filming me. And my cousins were sprinkled in.

As I took it all in, I began repeating a startled, “Oh my god.”

 

There was Chad, from my days as a baby lawyer. Brenna from Humanities. Three women (girls I used to babysit). And a stalwart Democrat, sitting by…

 

Wait. That’s Kelly. My old boss and our Congressman.

 

“Yoouuuu!” I shouted at Kelly, while pointing at him and beaming. He just shrugged and grinned. (If you know us, it’s fitting that I finally found my voice to heckle him.)

I think everyone began laughing. And there were definitely some “Surprise!”es in there somewhere.

 

My mind finally caught up, and it registered that this was a surprise birthday party. For me. They were all here to celebrate. Me.

 

Sean handed me a glass of champagne and said, “Happy Birthday, babe.” This led to some cheering, clapping, and singing.

My heart followed along. It was pure delight.

 

I proceeded to ecstatically hug every single person there. And there were pictures. And drinks. And…

 

Mom walked in. Full of smiles and laughs. Still in my joyous (and oblivious stage), I hugged her and giggled. Then it registered, and I was a little serious, “Wait, where are the kids?”


“With David.”


More confusion. Like David, my brother? Like David who lives 200 miles away?

 

Yip, that Dave.


“He drove up tonight.”

 

Another breakthrough discovery: Sean and Mom devised this surprise party, together. Mom didn’t randomly show up, she helped orchestrate it.

 

People continued to come and go, and I kept hugging away. When my law school classmate, Amy, saw me, she said, “Now you can finally see the private Facebook page Sean started!”

And then David appeared. He and mom tag teamed babysitting so they could each partake. I was thankful and thrilled to see him. He met my friends and took the lead in cleaning up so I could… keep talking.

 

Sean drove me home, and he, Mom, Dave, and I all chatted away about the party’s unfolding. We also laughed at how clueless I was. Looking back, I shake my head and laugh. I missed A LOT of things that night: I didn’t really notice there was food at all the tables. And cupcakes Mom made, with 40th birthday plates. And birthday balloons and candy adorning the tables. I later learned that all the food was prepared gluten free so I could eat it. But I never contemplated eating; I was too engrossed in the social scene

 

And still shocking to me, I didn’t realize I was drinking champagne. When I ordered another drink, I ordered white wine.

 

Who doesn’t know she’s drinking her favorite celebratory drink at her own damn surprise party?! Well, me. That’s who.


My shock so genuine and happiness so indescribable, it took me (far too long for normal person standards) to process it all.

I learned that when Sean made the guest list, he brought people in from all major times and events of my life. He nailed it! It was a more beautiful party than I ever could have imagined. Everything he did was intentional, to bring me joy. Man he’s a keeper.

 

And Mom. She was preparing and keeping secrets with the best of them. And after my threat to look ragged at church, she sternly warned Sean to dress me nicely for the evening. In her words, “No one would care what you looked like, but I knew you’d freak out and complain you looked terrible in pictures.” Touche.

 

I had no idea, and no one slipped. Mark and Becky feared their youngest would spill the beans at church. And Lacie and Todd’s absence added to the mystique. In Sean’s words, “You never would have guessed it was a party for you if Lacie couldn’t be there.” My kids only learned of the secret when Uncle Dave showed up to wrangle them.

 

I’ll never forget that night. Who made it possible and who showed up. And the messages from others who wanted to attend, but couldn’t. Together, everyone made it epic and unforgettable.

 

I’ve often struggled to believe the kindness and generosity shown to me since AE struck. And how it guides so much of my day-to-day living. I try to share all the joy and kindness I can, because in two to three lifetimes, I’ll never be able to repay what my community has done for me.

 

Since May 2018, I’ve perpetually lived in that final scene of It’s a Wonderful Life: “Remember no man is a failure who has friends.”

 

To Mom and Sean, I couldn’t love you more if I tried. And Sean, I’m thankful we didn’t get divorced during that car ride.


To everyone who showed up (or had it on their hearts to be there) thank you, and I’m quite sure I love you all.

 

To everyone who’s believed in me and carried me along all these years, you’re the reason I’m Still Standing at 40 (OK fine, I’m 41 today).


I try to live all my days, but the past few years, the day of my birth has taken on special meaning.

 

Because of you. Thanks for that.

 

Love,

 

jackie


"You have so many relationships in this life

Only one or two will last

Oh, yeah

And they're gone so fast, yeah


"Oh, so hold on the ones who really care

In the end, they’ll be the only ones there

When you get old, start losing your hair

Can you tell me who will still care?

Can you tell me who will still care?


"Mmmbop, ba duba dop ba

Du bop, ba duba dop ba

Du bop, ba dubpa dop ba du

Yeah, yeah" ~ MMMBop by Hanson


__________

 

/ / The JM Stebbins blog is an autoimmune encephalitis blog from former lawyer and autoimmune encephalitis survivor, Jackie M. Stebbins.


Jackie M. Stebbins is also the author of Unwillable: A Journey to Reclaim my Brain, a book about autoimmune encephalitis, resilience, hope, and survival. / /



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