Hold On II


I penned the “Hold On” blog over a month ago. I write blogs in real time, but don’t always post them that quickly. I finally published it last week.


As I thought about sharing it on social media today (in the #Red4WED maelstrom I didn’t get a chance to do it upon release) I thought about the deeper meaning of “Hold On.” Many months ago, my friend Kayla and I were commiserating about the days of endless political incivility, the insurrection, the murder of George Floyd and what it meant to the American conscious, the pandemic, and more, when she said, “I’m really tired of living in history.” I felt that statement on a profound level. Since early 2020, each day has felt like something we’re living through and teaching our kids about, simultaneously. And personally, my kids are much older than the ages of 5 and 3 that they were when I was diagnosed with AE. We’re barely starting to scratch the surface about a time when Mom was very sick (aka when I had a “broken arm,” as they say). I can no longer hide why there’s a brain on the back of my shirt and what I say on TV. Life has felt hard for everyone in so many ways. History continues to be presently written as we try to go about our days with some sense of “normalcy.”


And in the past few weeks, as tension mounted at the Ukraine boarder, I thought, oh my God, this is really going to happen, and it’s going to throw the world into more turmoil. The news of the pandemic will be pushed aside for news of an unjust and evil war. Yet another chapter in the book we live through and teach about. And a word we thought we gave up in the 80s, is back.


Since political discourse took a dark turn in 2015, to my battles of burnout at work leading up to my AE diagnosis, to the 2018 fight for my life, to the birth of our baby in the pandemic, to leading a terribly solitary life at home for years, and trying to adjust back in 2021 after life upended about 20 times over, I finally felt like I was gaining some traction in my war on anxiety and uncertainty. But the news overseas is heartbreaking. And there’s always plenty of news in the US that breaks hearts too.


Nerve-wracking uncertainty.


But I still find a way to keep the faith and I hope you can too. I spoke to a group a few weeks ago and said, “While in the psychiatric ward, with my impaired brain and fading mind, I managed to scrawl: “Better Days Ahead.” I had to believe that or I wouldn’t be writing this today. I wouldn’t be using my words to (hopefully) inspire thoughts.


It feels like we’ve all entered another period of prayer and hope. Faith and solidarity for women walking with their children to hopeful safety and men laying down their lives against the forces of evil. Prayers for peace in the world. And a wish that we can break from writing another chapter in the book of history.


Do what you can in your own way. Take care of your mental health and your kids’ too. Don’t let it all consume you. And know that there are #BetterDaysAhead.


With love and peace,


jackie


"Things will go your way

Hold on for One More Day"


CLICK HERE to read "Hold On." *When I first released this post, I didn't add a picture. With such a tragic topic, adding photography didn't feel right. But then I saw a photo that my longtime friend, Chad, posted on his FB. It was of sunflowers and because they're my favorite, I really liked it. I didn't realize that he, along with others, were posting pics of sunflowers - the yellow against the blue sky - in solidarity with Ukraine. Once I realized that, I asked Chad if I could use the photo, and I updated it on this post. Thus, photo cred goes to @snapchadpics on Insta. Not only is Chad a brilliant lawyer, he's a great photographer. We go way back to 2009 when I began practice and our firms office shared. He's had to deal with me ever since! Thanks Chad!